The Tilbury Edit

“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.” Sally Field

With the advent of social media, came a new communication reckoning. A more fluid path to share ideas, opinions, experiences & observations. We wrote, we read, we liked, we shared & we commented. We opened ourselves to being influenced in ways we had never imagined.

Yet, one area still seems largely impervious to change; remaining petrified and impervious.

We do not recognize that influencing how we view ourselves is vital. We seem to crowdsource that opinion from every vantage point — but fail to acknowledge that, on some level, we are indeed the experts.

Ultimately, we fail to influence ourselves (about ourselves).

It’s a very human mistake; but one wholly amplified by this new zeitgeist. Over time, we have become so accustomed (possibly committed) to being noticed by others, recognized by others, made relevant by others and criticized by others — that we fail to listen to ourselves. This can limit our potential in so many aspects of our lives & our work. Other bits of information land at our doorsteps; knowledge that could point out who we really are. But, we don’t seem to budge from that crowd hacked purview.

Even when we are actually the experts of us.

I’ve often thought that therapy is one of the only methods to address this. There is something vital about someone skilled to navigate our moments and misconceptions right alongside us. Yet, even with that exercise, we are often left standing at the proverbial bus stop waiting for a change in our won opinion that never fully manifests.

It seems that changing our self-perception is almost a microscopically slow process. It behaves in a similar manner to constructs such as confidence or falling in love. You shift slowly, until awareness suddenly washes over you. Yet, until that very moment that shift is silent (yet, all the while dividing, growing).

We are often mired in dated assessments of ourselves, long after that summary is invalid.

What holds us back may be a lack of commitment to ourselves. A lack of vision. Or perhaps a lack of hope.

We need to acknowledge that we have grown, evolved, expanded.

Grant ourselves the accolades.

I dare you.

Influence yourself.

Note: I’ve found this article — that might help us begin.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist who focuses on bringing core stability to our work lives. She is a charter member of the LinkedIn Top Voice Program. Her thoughts on work & life have appeared in various outlets including the Harvard Business Review, The Muse, Brit & Co, Talent Zoo, Forbes, Quartz and The Huffington Post

There is a jarring moment every summer, when I realize that it will not last forever.

April and May are purely anticipatory. June is glorious, with weeks & months spread before me.

Yet, around July 4th it hits me; summer is finite.

Its grace, its sun and its warmth are temporary.

From that point forward it’s difficult to refrain from counting the remaining months of mild weather. It becomes hard to ignore the changing blooms in my yard (how long has it been since the Lilacs?) or the barrage of swimwear sales — or the back-to-school commercials.

Damn it flies by quickly. Make no mistake, the end of summer will come knocking.

I’ll admit to some mixed feelings. The often oppressive humidity, frequent storms and ever-present pollen in the great lakes region are a challenge. (I root for a hard freeze once things start to turn.) Yet, I do love a beach vista, the noisy clan of morning birds outside my bedroom window, sitting on the patio with an occasional cocktail and watching the dog rolling in the grass to cool herself.

Summer has its moments.

Holding on to some of them — in some way — is tremendously worthwhile.

I’ve given this some thought. Here are a few ideas to do so:

• Collect mementos. If you have a penchant for sentimentality, collect objects that will remind you of the feelings that summer moments bring you. In my possession, you’ll find a wide range of these items from napkins to beach stones. It is all very personal (as it should be).
• Form traditions. If you love a certain summer destinations, make a plan to return. If you know others that would also love that place (and also enjoy their company) invite them for the following year. Looking forward to next year, keeps you somewhat in the mindset of this year.
• Dabble in hobby photography. Your perspective of the summer experience is unique. So, try to capture that essence in photographs. Start with your phone’s camera. You can always progress to improved equipment if you find the exercise worthwhile.
• Make mental notes & revisit them (often). We all have flashbacks to certain summer memories. These feelings can be quite vivid. If you find yourself standing in a moment that should be remembered — make mental notes about the finer points, including how it looked, how it sounded and how it all felt.
• Stick with Summer Reading (all year). There is a flavor to summer titles that can help us resubmerge into the feeling of summer. (We’ve gathered a few for you here.) Somehow the light & airy titles bring me back to that summer place.

Summer Reading Picks: From the NYT’s Bestseller List

Have another idea? Share it with the community.

The Tilbury Edit shares observations concerning a wide array of topics from founding a company — to the perfect gift. It is designed to share lessons learned from a variety of perspectives.

I’ve muttered to myself on numerous occasions that I possessed absolutely no sense of style. In my role as a consultant, I eventually stumbled upon a satisfactory formula; but my clothing expertise outside of work quickly become a long-standing challenge.

Getting dressed (especially for an event) would often feel befuddling. I would be left with a complete mess of cast off clothing as I walked out the door — after trying on literally everything in the recesses of my closet. I did not feel well-heeled and would secretly berate my propensity to gravitate toward the same items.

Nothing seemed to work as it should.

I was purchasing clothing, but still had nothing to wear.

I was certainly on the fast track to style oblivion & knew it.

But lately, I’ve discovered that I had just about everything dead wrong concerning this situation. There was always style gold right in front of me — I simply wasn’t listening.

The truth of the entire style matter is this: the longer we fight our own fashion instincts, the longer we delay the birth of our own signature style.

That needed to change. Why own a wardrobe that didn’t support me and my own identity?

So — here are few things I’ve learned about discovering & supporting that style:

• Examine your style history. Remember the advice that when college is over, you need to move on. This advice goes wrong on a couple of levels. First, this is a period in our lives when we start to realize what actually works. Secondly, we are motivated and willing to put in the effort to support that style. With the reincarnation of so many trends (think of the slew of available jean options now), it is likely that an outfit you perfected then — could be the solid foundation of your style now. Style Hint: If you have saved much-loved items from that period of time, notice any trends (item, colors, texture.)
• Feedback (even negative feedback) holds clues. From the time I hit my teenage years, there was constant commentary about my love for shades of brown. (My mother would have preferred to dress me in red pleather — and she tried.) Yet now, I would consider my consistent penchant for earth tones, to be my greatest style strength.
• Lean into your clothing obsessions, especially if they fuel confidence. At 16, I felt emboldened by my first blazer. Whatever your confidence item or silhouette is — go with it. Take Allison Bornstein’s advice about your signature style: REPEAT what works. Style Hint: Best blazers for the price: H & M’s double breasted classics. At a luxury price point: Veronica Beard’s tailoring is beyond wonderful.
• Once you find a “Style Blueprint” be persistent. In fact, you might truly have found your style — yet you haven’t found (or cannot find) the right pieces to fulfill that destiny. Style Story: I have always been a huge fan of wide leg paints. However, finding them was a challenge for years. Keep looking. Try vintage & resellers. If you are lucky enough to discover a hard to find piece currently being made, make that purchase before it floats “out of style” (possibly in multiples).
• Prepare, prepare, prepare. Try on clothing combinations well before you might actually need them. (Donate/swap what doesn’t work, what does not fit or doesn’t help you feel confident.) One sobering style rule: it is nearly impossible to find the right piece of clothing or outfit in the moment of need.

Style isn’t always effortless. However, it is worth the time spent — when the outcome offers more joy with fewer moments of wardrobe panic. Sometimes feeling well-healed actually feels like wellness. And that is worth the trouble.

What are the staple items of your personal style and where do you find them? Share your knowledge with other readers.

The Tilbury Edit shares observations concerning a wide array of topics from founding a company — to the perfect gift. It is designed to share lessons learned from a variety of perspectives.

Every story has another way of being told. – Krishna

As human beings we are inclined to make sense of our world.

Even as we sleep, we weave stories that connect our observations and experiences.

As things shift and sputter within our own work lives, narratives can become very active. These are the stories that help us understand a series of events or experiences — that reflect a particular perspective or opinion.

Narratives can take on useful forms and can be positive. For example, a smart strategic narrative can fuel an entire organization, and a well-crafted career narrative can support career paths. Yet on the flip side, narratives can be negative — causing great distraction. This tenor of those narratives, can play havoc with our own self-image, our work and our work-based relationships.

Most of us have built a narrative about who we are and how we work. Your team may harbor a set concerning who they are as a group, as well. Ditto for leadership.

This is not surprising.

Stories are central within our history as human beings. (Interestingly, this tendency to connects the dots, or pattern seek is named narrative bias.) Even while we sleep we seem to weave a story, comprised of the bits and pieces of our day, blended with our unique past. On a basic level, we build narratives to make sense of the world. They are much like shorthand. At their best — narratives can build confidence and power our paths. Yet, at their worst, they can become misleading and destructive.

The problem arises when the negative narratives get in the way of our own development.

Narratives have become a very present fixture in my work as a coach. This is because it became evident that narratives affect nearly every individual, team and organization. Moreover, the thread of narratives is a common blockade to progress, and can become very present when we deal with people, teams and even other organizations.

When the narrative encompasses our own paths, skills & abilities — an entirely new problem can emerge. In this scenario, the stories we tell ourselves and those built/communicated by others about us, can begin to define us.

Let’s take advantage of the current pause to identify them — and make an attempt to challenge the negative variety.

Only then can we unravel their power and move forward without them.

Strategy: Narrative Identification

• Identify a narrative that affects you personally as a contributor. This narrative could speak to your skills/traits/abilities, your work, how you feel about yourself or how you believe others see you.
• Identify a narrative that affects your team. This can include your team’s internal functioning, and how it behaves with adjacent teams/functions or clients.
• Try to pinpoint how these narratives developed. This could be rooted in an experience, a conversation or possibly hearsay.
• Challenge the narrative. This involves challenging the narrative by posing an alternative explanation and possible outcomes.

Our innate need to make sense of the world, can make us susceptible to built narratives. Be ever-vigilant, to recognize if they helping or hurting your work life.

Please note: All posts are solely owned by the author. Reprinting (other than re-blogging at another WordPress blog) is by permission only.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist, diagnostician & speaker, who explores the value of core stability to empower our work. A charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program, she has been featured at the Harvard Business Review, Talent Zoo and The Huffington Post.

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We seem to be spending a lot more time at home these days — and as a result, paying much more attention to my personal surroundings. (Our physical surroundings do affect us.) When it comes to building an interesting design aesthetic that offers a sense of comfort, the small things really do matter.

So — if you find yourself rearranging your furniture & accessories with less than spectacular results, we’ve collected a few ideas to indulge your whims, while minimizing the financial commitment. We’ve consulted one of our favorite design mavens & come up with a few quick ways to lighten, brighten & craft your own space.

Our suggestions:

Pillow Covers. We’ve developed a penchant for pillow covers. West Elm’s ever-changing collection of pillow covers are always a great option. The fabrics are not only stylish, but possess a certain level of quality not usually seen at their price point. Options run the gamut from bohemian to chunky knits — to modern and sleek. Once you invest in the pillow inserts (Amazon likely has what you need), you are good to change things out to your heart’s desire. Snare a couple on clearance to give them an initial try on. It’s a win-win.

You may not think of them first, but Amazon has a few worthy pillow cover sources that we love as well. Whether you love a boho, grand millennial or modern vibe — there are plenty to choose from.

A New Lampshade (or Two). A new shade could be just the answer. There are more textures and fabrics than I can count; so finding the right style is really just all about shopping around. BTW, don’t overlook sites such as Etsy (check out shops like Morlibird & Blue Crocus Textiles). We’ll admit they are not entirely inexpensive, but a better option than replacing the entire base/shade combo.

Have another idea? Share it in comments.

The Tilbury Edit shares observations concerning a wide array of topics from founding a company — to the perfect gift. It is designed to share lessons learned from a variety of perspectives.